Hello,<br /><br />I have completed this edit, and am very happy with your additions. I have added some modifications that hopefully you will like. As far as paragraph 4 - I think perhaps removing the sentences on martial arts (see my note), and possibly including another anecdote about your discipline gained as a sous chef (which will be incredibly interesting to many interviewers), would be a good idea here. Since you've already mentioned your former career as a sous chef, this will not seem out of place, and keeps the reader's interest. Let me know if you have any questions.<br /><br />Thank you,<br />Kk