Hello:

This version actually has a slightly different meaning. This one specifically points out that she needs to practice eye-gazing, and the other points out that it hard to tell if she was doing well with her eye-gazing. I think the second one you sent actually says more; thus, I suggest that one.

Also, you asked about my availability--I am unavailable this Sunday evening through Tuesday evening of next week, but other than that, I am free to work on edits. Thanks!