<p>     Hi Laura,</p><p>     I’m excited to work with you and interested in your take of the story.      Book #2 has almost the same set up as book #1. Book #1 is told from the 2 heroines POV’s Shiray and Syira Romeland. Book #1 focuses more on Shiray, her husband Bryan, and their trials.      Book #2 focuses more on Syira, Kadeem, and their trials. The beginning of book # 1 has a 4 chapter flash back of Shiray and Bryan’s courtship, to get the reader connected with the 2 characters. I kept the same structure for book #2. Chapters 4-7 are of Syira and Kadeem’s courtship.</p><ol><li>One of my weak spots is commas. I’m still learning the tricks and rules behind them. You will probably find several missing commas or commas that are not needed.</li></ol><p> </p><ol start="2"><li>The 1<sup>st</sup> thing I would like paid attention to is book #2 Prologue. It is slightly different from the 1<sup>st</sup> book. This prologue is told in 3<sup>rd</sup> person because the 3<sup>rd</sup> part of the prologue is a scene that takes place on Polaris. The entire book is told in 1<sup>st</sup> person so neither Shiray nor Syira would have any insight into this scene. I got this idea from another 1<sup>st</sup> person point of view I read. The prologue was told in 3<sup>rd</sup> person to give the readers info that there was no way they could get otherwise.      I wanted to use the last part of the prologue called Polaris as a cliff hanger of sorts. You will also find out a little more about the character named Venus in the beginning of character 1 and the last chapter of the book.      I would like your thoughts about the prologue because book #1 Prologue is told in 1<sup>st</sup> person. One scene from Syira and the other scene from Shiray.      I thought of only using the Polaris scene for the Prologue and have that be the introduction into book #2 as another option. My preference is to keep the Polaris scene in the prologue. But I would really like your opinion on the best way to present it. If you think it’s better in the 3 parts, as it is now. Or if you think I should only use the Polaris scene in 3<sup>rd</sup> person for the prologue. Thank you.</li></ol><p> </p><ol start="3"><li>The 2<sup>nd</sup> thing I wanted paid attention to was the premonition in chapter 1 and 26. I purposely put a large section break when the vison starts so the reader notices it. Also I want the vision told in present tense since it is the future. It was awkward for me to write entirely in present tense so I want to make sure I did it correctly. The premonition is only a teaser in chapter 1. The reader will have to way until the end of the book for the entire vision.      But in chapter 26 I did the same thing; I put a large gap when the vision starts and I wrote it all in present tense. Well, at least I think I did. Lol. If you can make sure that both the teaser vison in chapter 1 and the entire vision in chapter 26 are both correctly written in present tense that would be great.<br /> </li></ol><p> </p><ol start="4"><li>My preference to use okay verses OK. I used OK in book #1 because it was what the Create Space editors advised. But I found out both were correct. So you will see (okay) throughout the novel.</li></ol><p> </p><ol start="5"><li>My novel is heavily dialogued. I like to use fancy dialogues tags. Syira exclaimed, proclaimed, agreed, countered, etc. There are tons of scenes where it is more than two people talking, so I have to use tags so the reader knows who is talking. Always saying said can get really redundant, so I was advised by my 1<sup>st</sup> editor to change it up.      If you find where a tag is not needed or can be worded in another way to help the flow, please let me know. I don’t want to overdo it with fancy tags either. I need help with making sure I have the right balance.</li></ol><p> </p><ol start="6"><li>I don’t use *** for section breaks because I always use them for character changes, example: ***Syira***, ***Shiray***. So I only have spaces for my section breaks. It’s the same set-up for the first book.</li></ol><p> </p><ol start="7"><li>The Kadanans talk proper on purpose. But the Royal 4 talk more relaxed and use slang since they visited Earth for a few years. This comment of them talking proper was brought up so I tried to address the reason in a few conversations in book #2. Since they live on Kadan, 300 million light years away, I decided I wanted to have the characters speak properly. Their way of live is more of an old world sentiment. One king who rules the entire planet. No crime is tolerated. No one is poor and all family helps one other. So it made sense for them to not speak as much slang talk as we do on Earth.</li></ol><p> </p><ol start="8"><li>I wanted my epilogues to be a little different from others I’ve read. The epilogue of this book is additional scenes from the book, but they are told from Kadeem’s point of view. This follows the same trend as book #1 epilogue which is also additional scenes. But it’s told from Bryan’s point of view. So I wanted book #2 epilogue done the same way.</li></ol>