I have provided grammatical edits, and made attempts to clarify your language so it communicates your argument better. I've also included commentary on how you could omit or expand certain parts. Your professor's comments still mostly need to be addressed (particularly the part about not having an outside source), but I can only clarify your wording and provide suggestions; I cannot write any part of your paper for you. As I informed you in my message earlier, doing so&nbsp;would be plagiarism.