Hello! <br /><br />As you requested in your comments, I focused on grammar, legibility, paragraph cohesion, overall format, and sentence structure. I made several edits that combined sentences to ensure smoothess of transitions and fluidity of the argument from one thought to the next. I left several comments on the side either explaining certain edits of offering suggestions for your consideration, so be sure to look out for those. Feel free to message me if you have any questions! Thanks. =)