Thank you for the opportunity to read and edit your application statement. I believe I have succeeded in making it sound active and I believe you already sounded genuine and sincere. However, I have not been able to make it sound like you are a well-rounded individual because you talk only about your academic and work experiences, all of which is highly technical. We really need to know something about you as a person outside of academics/work. So...that is the best I can do with what I have.<br /><br />If you could take a moment to rate my work, I would appreciate it greatly.<br /><br />Best of success with your application. Cornell is a great university and Ithaca a lovely city.<br /><br />Nyanidoc