<p>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&ldquo;Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea until they have something to forgive.&rdquo; CS Lewis</p>
<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Forgiveness is a necessary part of the grieving process. Forgiveness keeps us from clinging onto negative feelings that can literally possess us. There is no way I could find peace after betrayal and loss, without beginning with forgiveness. Knowing I was &ldquo;in the right,&rdquo; or that it &ldquo;wasn&rsquo;t my fault,&rdquo; so &ldquo;why should I apologize,&rdquo; attitude; certainly didn&rsquo;t help me sleep any better at night. Forgiveness and forgiving others has freed me from the weight of resentment. I learned how to forgive so much, although I understood so little. When we don&rsquo;t forgive, we put the other person in control of our emotions.&nbsp;When you roll around with pigs, you&rsquo;ll get dirty, and the pigs love it! Forgiveness is when you can remember the wrong that was done, without feeling bitterness, or a need for revenge. &ldquo;An eye for an eye,&rdquo; will only leave the world blind.</p>
<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I couldn&rsquo;t reconcile with deceased people, so I had to shift my thinking, while letting go of the ill feelings. Forgiveness does not minimize or excuse the unscrupulous wrong that was done to me. Void of anger, I utilize what I clearly remember to help others. When I close my eyes, I summon as many beautiful lost things as I can, bringing them close and holding onto them for dear life. I&rsquo;ll never forget my loved ones' positive attributes, or let their beautiful echoes fade. Ask yourself, do you want to always be right, or do you want to be happy? Every day, labor to forgive.</p>
<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Here comes some cold water; there are no such thing as &ldquo;victims,&rdquo; only volunteers. You perceive yourself as a victim, or a survivor. The choice to be used and maltreated is not the aggressors, it&rsquo;s yours. I am not a helpless child anymore. It was within my control to allow people, or not allow them, to hurt me. As we form relationships, the other person learns what&rsquo;s acceptable to us, and what&rsquo;s not. Thus, we define how we will be regarded with others, meaning we are partially accountable for being ill-treated. We compromise ourselves and subconsciously teach other people how to treat us. We allow people to regard us with respect, or we accept the mistreatment.</p>
<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Anytime you allow the people that harmed you live in your head for free, it&rsquo;s too long. I have the right to protect myself with life adjustments. You must protect yourself, but also forgive. When its right for you; choosing to forgive leads to greater well-being and better relationships. It&rsquo;s not easy to forgive, but it is good to forgive. It&rsquo;s worth the struggle.</p>
<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; It&rsquo;s a different idea all-together to 'forget.' Sometimes, I think it is unhealthy to entirely forget the hurt. Forgetting may be akin to pretending the hurt never happened, and it did.&nbsp; I can&rsquo;t deny or suppress the pain, and doing so would feel like an invitation to be hurt and violated all over again. I won&rsquo;t seek my own exploitation. The greater the hurt, the harder it is to forget. That&rsquo;s realism, not bitterness. How do I not retain the hurt that was caused when I live with the obvious scars? Forgiveness is my response, while reconciliation usually takes two people working together to amend. We don&rsquo;t have to forget in order to forgive.</p>