Hi Laura,<br /><br />Just wanted to give you some feedback on your edited version of Breaking Away the Ice. I had a few people read over&nbsp;the story&nbsp;and these were there comments, as well as my thoughts.&nbsp; I did see immediately that you cleared up the discreptancy of Godfrey's proximity to Clara, the rest of the team, and his placement as he walks away from them.&nbsp; You nailed what I was trying to say so that the story could read easier.&nbsp; I did see a few more spots in the section where you also fixed those type of errors.&nbsp; I did not see a change in choice of word structure, and feel like some of my visuals do not paint the picture I am trying to create.&nbsp; Much of the section read very similar to what I already had.&nbsp; I want this section to be exciting and scary all at the same time.&nbsp; I want the reader to feel like they are on the mountains with Clara and the team.&nbsp; I do not think some of my word choices offer that visual description. I also have a lot of scenes that do not&nbsp;provide a complete train of thought, for instance the reader may want to know a little more detail than Clara just got up, got a cup of coffee and&nbsp;went on her way, something like did she contemplate the&nbsp;mission of the day, did she take her time getting dressed because she dreaded the adventure etc.&nbsp; &nbsp; Could you please look at this piece again to see if there is anything else you can do to compliment the chapter.<br /><br /><br />Examples of poor word choices:&nbsp;<strong> Timidly</strong>she sipped the warm<span style="text-decoration: line-through;">th</span> liquid of her coffee cup and savored the flavor of the morning brew.<br /><br /><strong>She was still scared of the unsure look</strong> she&rsquo;d seen on Godfrey&rsquo;s face and the threat of the storm.<br /><br />Thank you,<br />Chad