<p>Good evening,<br />Thanks for choosing me to be your editor.<br /><br />You are a strong writer and it is clear you have done your research and know this topic well. The majority of my changes were grammatical, concerning tense shifts, tone, fluidity, and consistency. I also removed any use of the word "you" as this inserts the reader into the essay - generally considered a no-no in academic writing (and, admittedly, one of my pet peeves).<br /><br />My biggest comment for improvement would be a suggestion to go a bit deeper. There are a lot of quotes, and it feels at times like a regurgitation of other peoples' ideas. You have some great insight, but (and I commented a few times when I noticed this) I think you'd be better served to dig into those ideas a bit deeper. This did improve as your essay went on, but the Ebola crisis, for example, could use more insight.<br /><br />With that said, I don't have your rubric or prompt so that may not be appropriate for this assignment. But you mentioned looking for critical thinking. You have that - and it's REALLY good when you do - but I think you can add more. Go into the dangerous possibilities of some of these ideas. You come close, keep going! Very strong conclusion, by the way.<br /><br />Thanks again and please consider me if you have any future editing needs.<br /><br /></p>
<p>Ryan</p>