Dear Shannon,<br /><br />Thank you so much for the opportunity to read and edit your memoir. Overall, it was well-written and my biggest task was correcting all of the quotation marks and apostrophes :) However, the main reason that I'm returning it so quickly is that it was very hard to set aside a book that mirrors my own life in many respects.<br /><br />Since the age of thirty-seven, I have suffered 3 psychotic breaks at 9-11 yr intervals--the rapidity of your own cycles is terrifying. Those have been interspersed too infrequently with periods of delightful, sustained mania during which I can truthfully say that I am my best self. Typically, however, I spiral from mania into psychosis in less than a week. If fortune smiles on me, which seems highly unlikely given what I've been through these past 2+ decades, I may avoid the 2 episodes that my remaining lifespan would allow. However, I would never be able to write a book such as yours, as my memories are few and fractured, and anything I write, including, on one occasion, a message scrawled in lipstick the length of a staircase, is gibberish.<br /><br />My most recent break was 4 yrs ago, and was the worst to date, although it was mercifully short, as I was hospitalized the entire month and heavily medicated in an effort, not always successful, to manage my violent outbursts. Unlike you, I am not a benign psychotic. At many times during that period I thought I would either die or spend the rest of my life institutionalized, in which case my husband would divorce me. The latter turned out to be prophetic. I lost my job and career as a scientist after my second break. My husband never forgave me for that, and I believe stopped loving me then, over 10 yrs ago. He finally left me for another woman in Sept, 2013 and the divorce was final last October. Although our relationship had not been good for some time, he was the only thing left in my life that I felt I could count on and I am devastated by the betrayal and departure of the love of my life. At this point, I do not believe that I will ever recover from the losses I have suffered as a result of being bipolar and I feel that, for all intents and purposes, my life is over. Now I am simply grateful for my friends, animals, and the editing jobs that help distract me from my otherwise constant misery. I was meant to have a life partner and hate being alone. I am so glad that Charles has stayed by your side, as I feared for awhile that he would not have the fortitude to do so.<br /><br />Frankly, I am appalled by the healthcare that you received/are receiving, in Houston. You should have been hospitalized when you first became symptomatic, against your wishes, if necessary. Although you are not a physical danger to yourself or others, the emotional toll on your marriage, children, and yourself, has been terrible. I urge you to come to terms with the fact that you suffer from an incurable, but treatable illness that requires constant vigilance and compliance with a regime of medication that works for you. Everyone is different. You owe yourself that. Find a psychiatrist whom you trust and with whom you can bond. I have been with mine for nearly 15 yrs and adore him. He has certainly saved my life. Because I am a psychologist with a background in neuroscience, we tend to collaborate in developing a medication regime, and I think we have it dialed in very well at this point. I went off my meds once, with disastrous consequences, when I was taking just Depakote and an antidepressant. It absolutely put me on the floor. My affect was flat and I felt all the joy had been sucked from my life. I also convinced myself that I was cured of this illness. Now I take Depakote as a top-down mood stabilizer, Lamictal as a bottom-up mood stabilizer--this is what has saved me--and Seroquel as an antipsychotic and sleep aid.<br /><br />I wish you nothing but health and happiness in the future.<br /><br />Nyanidoc