<p>Hi there,<br />Thank you for the opportunity to edit for you.<br /><br />You have a very well-written document here, and your passion, strengths, and background come across very strong and impressively.&nbsp;<br /><br />My edits are mostly for grammar, tense consistency, article usage, and for ease of reading. Some sentence rearranging was necessary to eliminate passive voice.<br /><br />As to your question, I think the way you start is very effective and very personal, which to me is the sign of a good personal statement. I don't think it's necessary to say the name of the school and program, as that will be elsewhere in your application documentation so it's unnecessary at the beginning. I generally think it's important to ensure these types of documents are truly personal - they could only be YOUR story - and you did that.<br /><br />Please let me know if you have any other questions, and I hope you'll consider me for any future editing needs.<br /><br /></p>
<p>Thank you,<br />Ryan</p>