Hello!<br /><br />Per your comments, I focused on structure and flow of the essay, which involved moving sentences (and sometimes paragraphs) around to ensure a smooth flow and progression. I also moved one paragraph to the very end for your consideration of deleting, as it did not fit the rest of the essay. I left quite a few comments on the side, which either explained certain edits or offered suggestions for your consideration. Feel free to message me if you have any questions, and please don't forget to rate my service! Thanks. =)