Hello again,
Thanks for your help on Dialed-In.  

With regard to the sidetracked part, I wrote: I got sidetracked; something to do with my car. 
I took out the sentence about feeling pressure from the molasses cookie
I took out the I was confused bit and took your suggestion I was fumbling for words when reflex rescued me.
I took your suggestion on the raining paragraph (takaing out repeat reference to raining) and included I looked out the window, searching for clouds. 

Your comment about poignacy of the piece., is much appreciated.  Also, Ill try to avoid too much telling in future stories. 
Thanks,
Dan