I've included comments on how you might better focus your personal statement on the particular school you're submitting it to, as well as a recommendation on how to shorten the introduction as requested. It doesn't seem like there's a whole lot to cut from the current version, but if you take my recommendation to intersperse the contents of the final paragraph throughout the preceding paragraphs you might be able to get it shorter. Please let me know if you'd like further assistance, or if you have any questions or concerns about the edits I've provided here.