Hi:<br /><br />I have uploaded your edited document and hope that you find the suggestions helpful. If you have any questions, please send a message to me via Editor World.<br /><br />I'm not sure that I improved the original&nbsp;because you have a natural ear for dialogue, but you certainly have my interest. It's amazing how quickly a few good lines can pull the reader into a story.<br /><br />Best wishes and Merry Christmas - George&nbsp;