First, the only sentence that I can't stand and would like you to change is the greeting. I'm not sure if that is a good entrance into the essay.<br /><br />I would like you to go over grammatical errors and wordy sentences. I dont want to change the essay or "the voice" of the essay unless it is to make the words flow easier. I want to make sure if I am using the right words, some adjectives stick out from the message.&nbsp;<br /><br />Also, this is an essay I am using to apply to a master's program, any notes and suggestions from you would be greatly appreciated!