In addition to editing for clarity and grammar, I made a couple notes about formatting for MLA style. I didn't change the paper to MLA style formatting because, given your note that there need not be a formal introduction, I thought your professor might also have requested certain adjustments to traditional MLA formatting. Another overall note: your writeup uses hyphens instead of em-dashes to mark phrases that are asides. To properly set aside a phrase in dashes, you should use two unspaced hyphens on either side of the phrase rather than a hyphen and a space on either side. My commentary includes questions and prompts to get your writing a little more focused in some spots, so please let me know if you have follow-up questions or want me to take another look at a revised section of this assignment. I want to make sure you get the five-star editing job you deserve!