Hi there!<br /><br />Thanks for sending this to me to edit! Per your request I have gone through the text and suggested some grammar and punctuation changes, as well as a few style revision ideas. Additionally, in response to your question I think the "hook" is absolutely there; I have been editing dissertations all day but I thought your subject sounded fascinating. I believe the research and ideas are presented very clearly. <br /><br />I hope the edits are helpful, and good luck getting the grant! :)<br /><br />Cheers,<br />EM