I added some transitional sentences and condensed a few phrases to get the word count down, but the meat of your statement is really great. <br /><br />Please note three comments I left about things I couldn&rsquo;t answer. Let me know if you have any trouble seeing the comments in Track Changes!<br /><br />- Where you describe your childhood home, I&rsquo;m a bit confused about the space (house? apartment? any descriptive words?) so I put in a placeholder, but I think you can tweak since you know what it was like.<br /><br />- I changed &ldquo;pro-say&rdquo; to &ldquo;pro se,&rdquo; which appears to be the correct spelling from a Google search.<br /><br />- Towards the end, you mention Winston &amp; Shaw. Is that intentional, or left over from a previous version of this? <br /><br />Also, I moved your second-to-last paragraph to the end, because it felt like a strong kicker to me.<br /><br />This is about 674 words, so you have some room if I cut anything you wanted to add back in! <br /><br />Best of luck with the scholarship&mdash;I think you&rsquo;re a shoo-in! :)