Hello -<br /><br />I would love for you to look for:<br /><br /> Content/interest. Does it hold your interest?&nbsp; Did I lose you along the way? Where? What do I need to change? <br /><br />Adequate transition from end of sentence to new paragraph.&nbsp; Also, sentence structure (are there too many adjectives/adverbs?).<br /><br /> This is my first attempt at writing anything and I would like to get your feedback - good or bad.<br /><br />Much appreciated!<br />Bernice