Good afternoon -<br />Please see me inidivudal comments throughout. But my main concern would be that the first half or so of your answer feels very personal, and then it gets a bit more muddled towards the end. I would try to keep with the aspects that are unique to you. The conclusion feels a bit cliche and as if it could be about any candidate.<br /><br />Overall though it is well-written and passionate!<br /><br />Thanks so much,<br />Ryan