Good evening,<br />Thanks so much for choosing me as your editor.<br /><br />Here are my suggestions, in addition to what you'll find in comments and notes in the actual document:<br />*I would really suggest you read your paper to yourself out loud. I think you will find some things you may want to change, or that just sound 'awkward'. While I believe I fixed much of this, you still want it to sound true to your voice.<br />*As for shortening the document, I did remove some entire sentences that felt repetitive. Still, many parts of your story are repeated. I could have deleted more, but wasn't sure if the two parts will be read by the same people. Some of the stories of your background are mentioned in each half of the paper, and if they will be read by the same person that is probably unnecessary. As you read out loud, noticed if you feel yourself repeating some of the same ideas multiple times.<br /><br />Overall, your document is very well-written, and your passion and expertise on the topics you bring up shines through. I wish you all the best as you seem qualified and connected to your subject and studies.<br /><br />Please keep me in mind for any future editing needs - have a great week ahead.<br /><br />Thanks,<br />Ryan