<p>Hi! I'm an international student and I'm applying for Ph.d in physics. <br />I have 8 paragraphs in my personal statement/statement of purpose. I'd like to tell you my key point on every paragraph. I tried to say what I want in indirect way.<br /><br /> 1. I'm enjoying condensed matter experiment and I also want to do it in a graduate school.<br /> -&gt; I described a moment when I was most excited. <br />2. Physics should be my future carrier.<br />-&gt; I listed some amazing examples of wonder of physics that I think. <br />3. I came to the US school and started reserach. <br />4. first project<br /> 5. second project <br />6. third project <br />7. my future plan/ academic goal <br />8. excuses for low physics GRE and my weakness <br />-&gt; I talked to a faculty in admission commitee in one of my dream school and he sad if I have low score, I should mention it because if not they don't know. I want it to be concise and interesting.<br /><br /> I don't want just grammar correction and word change. I'd like to hear your opinion and suggestion on structure and organization of my writing. <br /><br />I appreciate your help so much!!!<br /><br /><br /> Thank you!</p>