A bit more concise and clearer now.<br /><br />I divided many of the longer paragraphs as I believe this helps the reader follow your arguments.<br /><br />Consider adding the sub-sub titles (by this I mean level three in APA, as you have a main title and you have section titles, so within the sections add the sub-subs).&nbsp;<br /><br />I hope the edits have refined your text a bit, and if you have any questions, please ask me.<br /><br />Thank you