Hello! <br /><br />Per your comments, I focused on flow, legibility, and grammatical comprehension. I left several notes on the side, as their were moments in which repetition or overly verbose sentences inhibited comprehension, so I cut down those phrases to make the thought more streamlined. I also added a few comments that offer suggestions for clarification or expansion upon an idea to make the piece more cohesive. Feel free to message me if you have any questions, and please don't forget to rate my service! Thanks. =)