Hi Lindsay,<br />Golly gee, this stuff really is way out there, isn't it? This was a tough one. It's really a highly subjective piece so if you don't like the parts I've suggested, I recommend you replace my new parts with the FIRST THINGS that come to your mind. The first thing is always (99% of the time) the right things. (I suspect you doubt yourself too much.) I didn't change the writing before the citations because I didn't want to veer away from cited material. But what I did try to do was bring all these thoughts together. I just added connecting thoughts, which is what it needs to flow better. I hope it helps! Please, if you want to change it and send it back, feel free and we can work on it some more.&nbsp;