Thank you for your note. Here are some comments for you to consider.

1.Tone: Your tone is fine (calm and gentle) and you come across as sincere in telling personal stories and providing specific details.
2.Clarity: This is fine, too. Just remember to try and connect sentences whenever you can as this helps the “flowâ€ (neither story is “choppedâ€ up into too many short sentences).
3.Organization: I would have moved parts around if I had thought that your organization/structure needed to be changed. You told your stories in chronological order and each part flowed naturally from the part before it (for example, the sequence of events involving the chicks: finding them, taking them home, having to find a new home, asking neighbors, approaching pet store owners, and finally taking them to a farm. Nothing here is out of order. Similarly, in part 2, the story follows a logical sequence: new class, teacher’s actions, description of a problem, your feelings about the problem, your decision to resolve the problem, and finally the solution to the problem). 

I hope these comments are helpful.