Hi, Ivan:<br /><br />The first I would leave untouched. It's perfect - and funny!<br /><br />The second is more complicated. There are so many variations, but I would go minimalist. To convey the routineness of her first experience, I would simply link the trifecta with commas: "We went on a date, it was okay, we had a good conversation."<br /><br />The second part is introduced with "But then..." and that suggests a complete change of heart, followed by a suggestive denouement: "... you can take me home."<br /><br />
<p>&ldquo;We went on a date, it was okay, we had a good conversation. But then we went outside and kissed, and it was just&mdash;BOOM! Electricity pulled us together. She said, &lsquo;Never mind, you can take me home.&rsquo;&rdquo;<br /><br />I might have changed "Electricity pulled us together" to "BOOM! Electric!", which conveys the spark they felt, but then that would be my voice&nbsp;and not his.<br /><br />Otherwise, it works&nbsp;really well.<br /><br />BFN - George<br /><br /><br /><br /></p>
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