<p><b>Thank you for the opportunity to edit your work. Please get back to me if there are any issues, and I will address them asap. My two cents: I enjoyed the first story quite a bit, but I feel the other two need quite a bit of work. I tweaked the grammar and formatting, but I did not want to change too much in order to preserve your voice. This may be a matter of personal preferences, but the stories&nbsp;lack brevity, meaning you are using too many words to make your point. Further the shifting perspectives and lack of real depth of character makes it difficult to become engaged in the second story. I don't know whose story you are writing. If you haven't done so already, take a look at Leonard Elmore's 10 rules to good writing, which are hard and fast rules that I believe every writer should follow in order to create more engaging prose: you need to pay attention to rule number 9.</b></p>
<ol>
<li>Never open a book with weather.</li>
<li>Avoid prologues.</li>
<li>Never use a verb other than "said" to carry dialogue.</li>
<li>Never use an adverb to modify the verb "said"&hellip;he admonished gravely.&nbsp;</li>
<li>Keep your exclamation points under control. You are allowed no more than two or three per 100,000 words of prose.&nbsp;</li>
<li>Never use the words "suddenly" or "all hell broke loose."</li>
<li>Use regional dialect, patois, sparingly.</li>
<li>Avoid detailed descriptions of characters.&nbsp;</li>
<li>Don't go into great detail describing places and things.&nbsp;</li>
<li>Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip.</li>
</ol>