Good afternoon,<br />Thank you for choosing me as your editor today.<br /><br />This is an excellent plan. As someone who has worked in education for many years, I certainly see the benefits of this program you are suggested. I would love to see something like this in action!<br /><br />As for your document, I made many changes in grammar, fixing tense shifts, creating parallel structure, and some basic reconfiguring for clarity. Please see my notes throughout regarding some specifics questions or concerns.<br /><br />While this is very well-written as a whole, my biggest critique would be that it often feels quite repetitive. Some of the ideas - getting students active, limiting obesity - are truly important and obviously vital to your concept, but they are mentioned frequently throughout the paper and start to lose impact. As you reread your paper looking at my edits before you submit, ask yourself as you read each section, "What's the purpose of this sentence or paragraph? What is it adding to the meaning?" And if you have no answer, consider either revising or deleting unnecessay parts for conciseness.<br /><br />But again, overall, really well-written and well-researched. I'd love to see what happens next!<br /><br />Please keep me in mind for any&nbsp;future editing needs.<br /><br />Thanks again,<br />Ryan