Hello.<br />I can't upload my file now.<br />I will type my comments here.<br />Your memo is <strong>bold.</strong><br /><br />-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br />1. original : This <strong>dissipates</strong> the whole message of the book &mdash; that Edward Bloom uses tales to conceal his own human weaknesses.<br /><br />your comment:<strong>&nbsp;This word choice is unclear. Why would the town being real unravel the idea that Edward uses tales to cover up his mistakes. Wouldn&rsquo;t it reinforce that idea?</strong>&nbsp;<br />my comment:&nbsp;how about 'supports'?<br />new=&gt;<br /><br />-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br />2.&nbsp;The subplot in which Edward works for three years for free to get information about Sandra does provide just a few bits of information about the woman he will marry, but it is not true to the book, so it rings<strong><strong> false.(here)</strong></strong> It does however lead to some<strong> incredible visual sequences</strong>, including Danny DeVito as a circus ringmaster who is also a werewolf.<br /><br />your comment:&nbsp;<strong>Add one more sentence (here) about why this relates to the &ldquo;one true love&rdquo; trope. Maybe connect this idea to your next sentence by suggesting that the screenwriter included this new section of plot to showcase Danny DeVito&rsquo;s character</strong><br /><strong>/Explain these.</strong><br /><strong><br /></strong>my comment: The subplot in which Edward works for three years for free to get information about Sandra does provide just a few bits of information about the woman he will marry, but it is not true to the book, so it rings<strong>&nbsp;false.&nbsp;</strong>However, in the movie, screenwriters added more detail and unnecessary scene that shows Edward found love hardly, someone might think this Edward&rsquo;s character is stupid or pure. Yet, it allowed to audience to see beautiful yellow color of daffodils &ndash;Sandra&rsquo;s favorite, the information from a circus ringmaster- may seem romantic. Also, it does however lead to <strong>some incredible visual sequences</strong>, including Danny DeVito as a circus ringmaster who is also a werewolf, and it makes audiences feel sad when his body is changed. These are impossible to describe feeling and touching effectively in the novel.<br /><br />new=&gt;<br /><br />-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br />3.This murky, ominous mood is one of the Tim Burton's unique narrative&nbsp;styles &mdash; not only the&nbsp;overlapping scenes, but the witch's fairy-tale-style <strong>costume.<br /></strong><br />your memo:&nbsp;<strong>Say more here about using one actress to play multiple roles. Tim Burton like to overlap the past and present. How does overlapping one actress with two characters support that technique?</strong><br /><br />my comment:&nbsp;how about deleting this sentence and add <strong>'this</strong>'? Because this section is about the overlapping, but murky mood and costume seem not to be related.<br /><br /><strong>this sentence</strong>: 'With visual effects, the cinematic storytelling is expressed dramatically by director&rsquo;s switch of scenes on screen.'<br /><br /><br />new=&gt;<br /><br />-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br />4.&nbsp;He is fond of <strong>old-fashioned special effects</strong> techniques and eschews computer-generated imagery(CGI). In this movie, Tim Burton uses live action<strong>&nbsp;to express the fantasy</strong>.<br /><br />your memo:<strong> Explain these more. How are they like animation?</strong><br /><strong>/Explain more about how he uses old fashion techniques. Wouldn&rsquo;t live action make the movie seem less like a fairy tale?&nbsp;<br /><br /></strong>my comment:&nbsp;He is fond of old-fashioned special effects techniques such as special make-up. <br />It makes him eschew computer-generated imagery(CGI). In this movie, Tim Burton uses live action&nbsp;to express the fantasy in order to make characters or situation look more real.&nbsp;<br /><br />new=&gt;<br />-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Please send me message(or attached file) with your new sentences.<br /><br />Thank you.<br /><br />