Hi Liz,&nbsp;<br /><br />First of all, thank you so much for extending the deadline and allowing me to take an extra few weeks to work on this project. Your husband's story is a complicated one to say the least, and I'm glad I had the time to comb through it piece by piece.&nbsp;<br /><br />I'm not sure exactly what your plans are for this manuscript, but if your goal is to publish it as a memoir for John, I highly suggest hiring a ghostwriter. As I mentioned earlier, John has impeccable grammar and is very thorough in presenting every detail, but the story lacks a holistic quality. It reads more like a summary of his life than a narrative because he recounts the events as opposed to&nbsp;telling them like a story. Most notably, there's next to no dialgoue -- a driving force in most narratives. A ghostwriter could take the events in this manuscript and turn them into a comprehensive experience -- a journey that the reader goes on with John throughout the course of the memoir. There is clearly a lot more personality to your husband than comes out through his relation of medical information. As a reader, I found myself wanting to know more about who he was than just what conditions he had.<br /><br />This is not to say that the manuscript is lacking in inspiration or importance, it's just simply not structured in a way that will engage the audience you're targeting. There is a message here that should be shared, but it needs the right nuancing to hold the reader's attention.&nbsp;<br /><br />All of that said, I edited this manuscript as if it were going to be the&nbsp;final&nbsp;draft. I found that the majority of my alterations worked to remove passive voice, which means restructing sentences. I came across many repetitive phrases (mostly having to do with scheduling appointments or coordinating travel), which I removed. I left a few in-line comments where terms were unclear or I felt the narrative could use more personalization (but this is also something a ghost writer could take care of). One main note: instead of the A-Z naming convention John uses to protect the doctors' privacy, just create fictional names for them. Using such clear substitutions gives the story a forced, disingenuous quality. &nbsp;<br /><br />Please let me know if you have any questions or want to talk about any of my comments. I'd be more than happy to explain in more detail if needed.&nbsp;<br /><br />Thank you!<br />Reina Glenn